The Former Bachelor

When Trent's identical twin brother, Troy, got married, Trent actually bemoaned it more than once. Why did Troy have to go off and settle down, he wondered, when things were just getting fun? Unlike many young men and young women in their early twenties, Trent wanted nothing to do with settling down. He wanted adventure and fun and education and travel all without--what he then perceived to be--the fetters of family life. Trent whined to Troy how Troy could leave him and marry so quickly - couldn't he wait a little while so they could have a double wedding?  Troy's response was more prophetic than he realized:  "No way, man. You won't get married for at least ten years!"

While others around him married, had children, and settled into a life of domestic bliss, Trent finished college degree after degree, took part in every possible internship and study abroad available to him, took exciting vacations, and dated every girl that he could. Yes, the stories of Trent's dating adventures could keep you up all night long laughing your heart out...including the one about the exotic dancer he took out after hearing her speak in a Mormon singles ward (no, I don't think she talked about exotic dancing while bearing her testimony...he found that part out, later).

Troy got married in 1997.  Trent and I married in 2007.  You do the math.

After our blissful first year came the year of my pregnancy.  Though I would never describe it as bliss, we felt like we weathered it well.  Then, came the little one.

But, funny thing about parenthood.  It's the one true gift that, if you let it, will open your heart to others in a way that being single never allowed for me - or Trent, as he says.  We both find that a piece of our hearts runs around in that little girl's body.  Her joys become our immense happiness.  Her sorrows fill us with commensurate pain.

I thought of that this weekend - listening to the autumn leaves clatter quietly on the roof of our tent as we camped in a gorge near Ithaca.  In the evening, the chilly wind blew autumn in with a bang and summer's muggy day retreated into the dark.  As Trent and I fell asleep, warm in our blankets, Lillian slept nearby in her makeshift bed.  My former-bachelor-champion now snuggled next to me, keeping us both warm.  And, then, one time; two times; three times, I watched him leave the warmth of our bed to crawl through the chilly air and check the warmth of the other woman who has captured his heart.

What takes a man from the notorious adventures of bachelorhood to the quiet acts of fatherhood?  I suppose it's ... love.


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