For Thad

On our second date, Trent took me home to meet his family. We walked in the front door and found his mom in the kitchen, busily attending to Trent's younger brother, Thad. To that point in my life, I was wholly unexperienced with physically and mentally disabled people. Upon my first meeting of Thad, who has been handicapped since birth, I felt a little uncomfortable. I didn't want to stare; I didn't know how not to stare; I didn't know how to react.

Then I paused, and watched how all of Trent's family interacted around Thad. They rubbed his head, they kissed his cheek, they talked to him about where they were going and how they were feeling, they told him that they loved him. Their total acceptance and adoration of Thad made it possible for others to feel comfortable, too. And so, within a few moments of meeting Thad, I relaxed.

***
In the long years leading up to meeting and marrying Trent, I was given a lot of promises about my future spouse by means of priesthood blessings. One in particular told me that I would know the man I married would be an excellent father. This puzzled me. How could someone know what kind of a father a single man was going to be? Was I going to marry someone who already had children of his own?

A couple of weeks into dating Trent, we were watching a movie with his family. Thad, as always, was right with us, sitting in his wheelchair. He had grown a bit uncomfortable and was beginning to make noises to let us know. After only a couple of minutes, Trent arose and lifted 70 pound Thad out of his wheelchair. Then, he cradled him like a baby in his arms, rocking him back and forth. He whispered in Thad's ear and kissed him on the cheek. Soon, Thad quieted and nestled into Trent's chest.

That's when I knew the man I was falling in love with would be an excellent father.

***
Thad never could speak articulated words, yet he found ways to communicate with his family. They all know what certain chirps and chuckles that he uttered meant. They know what he loved and what made him uncomfortable. Those who knew and loved Thad knew how to talk to him.

One of Thad's favorite activities was listening to music, especially when his brothers would sit at the piano and sing to him. Thad had artists that were particular favorites. Karen Carpenter seems to have won Thad's heart years ago, and always the first notes of "Close to You" guaranteed Thad throwing his head back with a smile, laughing with delight. Thad loved the hymns, and he loved the music from "My Turn on Earth". While listening to Angel Lullaby, Thad would almost go into a reverie. It seemed then as though he was communicating with the angels who attended him.

***
Two weeks ago Thad, who is now 34 years old, had a fall that was serious enough he was hospitalized. That hospitalization led to the discovery of severe respiratory problems Thad has developed over time. Within a couple of days of being in the hospital, he required the assistance of a ventilator to breathe.

As the days passed, we realized that this was no ordinary hospitalization for Thad. Feeling guidance from heaven, we flew cross country to Thad's hospital beside. All nine of Trent's siblings and most of their spouses, feeling the same guidance, converged in that one spot. We hugged each other. We sang to Thad. We talked and laughed and reminisced, and then we went home.

Thad stayed in the hospital. Each day brought the hope of recovery; each night brought news of more setbacks. By Friday we learned that his lungs, heavy now with pneumonia, were collapsing. Saturday we heard there was nothing more the doctors could do for him.

Yesterday the siblings who were closest once again got in their cars and drove to be by his bedside. Tom and Laraine, Trent's parents, had never left Thad's side in the two weeks since the hospitalization occured. Far away in New York State, we joined them via telephone.

As Laraine cradled her baby boy--now freed from the ventilator that had both sustained and bound him--in her arms, Trent sat at the piano and sang once again to his little brother, the phone positioned near Thad so he could hear. As Trent sang these words from the last verse of "Thad's song" (a song especially written for Thad):

Oh father in Heaven help us

Remember your promise true,

All children will live with you when

Their mission here on earth is through

Thad took one last breath, then slipped beyond the veil into eternity.

***
We know he is in a better place. We know he is free from his crippled body that bound him. We know he is surrounded by loved ones and the angels who watched him on earth.

But oh, we miss him.